STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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