You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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