Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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