those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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