I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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