i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
