i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my shit smells like andre
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
