Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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