you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
