he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
this is an emotional support booty call
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize