I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
