My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize