My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
