i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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