I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
