I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
