dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
