flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize