I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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