Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize