There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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