i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm just crazy horny about you
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
