The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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