Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My life is pants optional.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
