I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
