very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
