they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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