I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
