R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize