Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
