i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
