Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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