I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
last night I used snow as a chaser
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
