But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
