i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
