i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
