He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
