Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
