dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
