I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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