You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize