Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
