it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
