And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
