he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
