I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
