it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
