I hate all girls vehemently.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
