Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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