I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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