Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
