and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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