Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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