we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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