I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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