I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
