I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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