he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
