He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
