you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
