I just cut my nipple shaving
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
