i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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