I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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