Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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