he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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