I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
