She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize