you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
