I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
