I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
