nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
