Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
then he tried to convert me to islam
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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