I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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