yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize