Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
