im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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