Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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