He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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