If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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