It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
