so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
