My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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