I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
