If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
