Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
