I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
