I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm both gender and math confused
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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