drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
only if we run a train.
done.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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