Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Is it because I queefed?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
