so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
