you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
