Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Im part way to drunk.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
