would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize